lookback lesson #14
I had the lovely pleasure of a visit from my in-laws this past week. Hubs and I are lucky enough to be close to his parents, and when they come into town, it’s like a visit from friends.
no you tell her…
I was sharing a particularly beautiful wedding (forthcoming) that had been submitted to me. The discussion naturally turned toward our own weddings and engagements. I asked Kitty how Dean had proposed to her. They both giggled.
“Do you want to tell her?”
“No, you tell her.”
“I don’t really remember.”
More giggles.
“Neither do I.”
In unison: “brahahahah!”
They’ll will be married thirty years this August. They describe their engagement as “practical.” They were living with Kitty’s two sons. Kitty’s mom wanted to know when they were planning to be married. She offered to watch the kids if they eloped. In hindsight Kitty suspects the suggestion to elope was to avoid paying for a big wedding 😉
They were young and in the midst of raising a family. They figured, “Why not; what else were we going to do?” So they eloped.
There’s a powerful lookback lesson in this:
the “why not” lesson:
The wedding really is about the marriage. It’s about the relationship. As fun as it is, a wedding is only a party, and only just the beginning of a big, robust, and often complex life together.
it was perfect, until it wasn’t…but then it was…
Kitty and Dean eloped on the Gulf Coast in Florida, with four of their closest friend in attendance—two other couples. Kitty and Dean bought flowers from a wholesale florist and arranged them together. In retelling the story, both agreed that the flowers were amazing. {More giggles.} Even the professional gardener at the hotel commented on the beauty of the arrangements. (Of course, Dean also arranged our wedding flowers for the NC wedding.)
Kitty wore a tea-length wedding dress and had her hair and nails professionally done—her curly hair was pinned up with baby’s breath.
It’s a romantic story really…except for the airplane that sprayed for mosquitoes nearby the day before the wedding. Kitty became woefully sick. And except for the hard partying by the groom and the rest of the wedding party, leaving them all woefully hung over the day of the wedding.
“Can’t we just postpone the wedding until tomorrow?” The Groom pleaded.
Then there was the wind…
It was a calm day, a calm week even…until it was not.
Watching them tell the story is pure comedy, with each pulling their hair straight back behind them each time ‘The Wind’ is mentioned.
“We walked toward the gazebo and ‘The Wind’ was blowing our hair straight back,” Kitty explained as she tugged her own hair back from her nape.
More laughter as everyone thinks of Kitty spending all day in the salon getting her hair done. Yes, this really is funny now—their laughter and joy is infectious.
“And my sister and her husband…” Again, Kitty pulls her ponytail straight back from her scalp, mock struggling as she recalls ‘The Wind’.
More laughter…
It’s funny because Kitty and Dean are still together after all this time. Still happy and full of laughter. It’s important to see this side of the wedding; the thirty-years-later side. I realize that their relationship is so much more than that elopement on the beach. That their elopement ultimately had no bearing on what their marriage would grow into. No one’s wedding does. It’s just a party, really. Having an amazing wedding doesn’t mean your marriage will be amazing, and having a simple elopement doesn’t mean a thing either.
So I’ll leave you with these final lookback lessons:
“the wind” lesson.
No matter what happens, you’ll still be married in the end. Bad weather, hungover friends and family, even pesticide poisoning won’t change that.
the hang-over lesson:
Even painful or frustrating situations become funny over time. They add character, nuance, and leave you with delightfully personal memories of your wedding. As Morrissey (from The Smiths) once said: “I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was terrible.” Indeed! What a wonderful time we all had recounting Kitty and Dean’s crazy elopement.
But the cool thing about marriage is that the momentary “terrible” is soon replaced by a lifetime of laughter…if you let it.
♥ Thanks so much to my wonderful in-laws for sharing their story with me (and with Hindsight Bride readers.) I love you both! ♥
