{This is a legitimate, not a snarky question}

My weekend post–about wearing your mother's dress– is published at The Bride's Book blog. For those of you wearing your mother's dress, she likely took the time and expense to lovingly preserve it with the idea that someday you would wear it. And for some of you, you are! Even if you are not wearing your mother's gown as-is, many of you are incorporating parts of it into your day.

Image from BridePower.com

However, as I was talking about this post to a few girlfriends of mine, one chimed in with a story about how important it was for her and her mother to hermetically seal her wedding gown. Everytime I said the word "preserve" she shouted "hermetically sealed, it's called hermetically sealed. I had my gown hermetically sealed!" Did I mention there was wine involved in this conversation?

Anyway, I asked her where her "hermetically-sealed gown" was, and she chuckled–a low, sort of sardonic chuckle. Then, ironically, she chirped, "I don't know."

She got married (for the first time) in 1983, two years after Princess Diana's royal wedding was televised across the globe. Like many Di-inspired brides at the time, my friend wore a big, puffed up, grand, ballroom gown to her 400 person fairy tale wedding. The dress cost $5000 (or approximately $11,000 in today's dollars.) And as we well know at this point, just like Princess Di, my friend had her dress hermetically sealed.

The gown was left in her mother's house for a time until the house sold. Some years later, the new buyers found the hermetically-sealed dress had been left behind in the house. They contacted my friend to come pick it up but she never did. By then she was on to her second marriage. For the second wedding, she donned an pared-down but still elegant pantsuit to a much smaller ceremony. While she still has the pantsuit (somewhere) it was neither hermetically sealed nor "lovingly" preserved. One does not often hear a young bride exclaim, "I want to wear my mother's pantsuit" (though perhaps she should.) Nonetheless, second marriages were not about the traditions of a wedding. They were about the marriage, the wedding being almost a obligatory (and somewhat embarrassing) ritual. In that time, few items are preserved from a second wedding.

By my friends third wedding, she was pregnant and bought a lovely flowing gown for $3000. While this might have been hermetically sealed or preserved in some way, she was carrying a baby boy. The first and last child for this forty-something woman. So in the end, there is no daughter to wear this mother's gown.

Now the point is not to be a Debbie-Downer.I'm not hear to talk about divorce or difficulty bearing children or anything like that. And I'm certainly not deterring anyone from preserving their gown. Period. But I do wonder if gown preservation is truly the same as preserving heirloom or if it's one more line item in one of the biggest personal budgets you will manage in your lifetime. Like any wedding related line item in these trying economic times, I encourage you to give an honest assessment to gown preservation. Is your gown really so classic that your daughter will want to wear it in 25 or 30 years? Does it mean that much to you to have your daughter wear your gown? Will you have a daughter? Is there something else you would rather do with it? Sell it? Donate it? Trash it?

What WILL you do with your gown and why?

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15 Comments so far

i knew before i bought my dress i was going to sell it…which I did. I LOVED mt dress…it just doesn't hold that much sentimental value to me…and I'm stoked someone esle is wearing it for their wedding day!

[...] grandmother. According to Christie over on Hind Sight Bride, the proper term for this is a “hermetically sealed” wedding [...]

I could never get rid of a wedding dress! It's too sentimental.

@ Ruthy Ann I wasn't that sentimental about my dress either, but I can understand it when some (like @Kendall) ARE attached to their dresses for sentimental reasons. Mine is currently rolled up in a clean sheet and sitting in a cedar chest. I have plans for it, but not as an heirloom ;-)

It was important to me that I could wear my dress again, therefore I getting the big puffy wedding dress wasn't an option, although for ladies who do go that route…right on!. I designed a dress that could be worn to future galas, fancy cocktails parties etc… It is champagne color so it doesn't stand out as a traditional wedding dress.

What a brilliant idea. Of course we’ve all heard of buying dresses that the brides maids can wear again, but I had not thought of buying a dress that the bride could wear again. Though I should have, my friend Sera at Broken Saucer wore a gorgeous black cocktail dress that obviously she can wear again.

Well – my dress became FILTHY at our wedding! Actually, before the wedding even started. Tommy and I hiked up into the woods and walked down some rad downtown alleys creating a dark and dingy bottom. I didn't care in the least! Except, it HAD to be cleaned before I could put it in a closet or something. They automatically had it "preserved" into a box or something (my mom took it to the cleaners while we were honeymooning). I LOVE my dress. I will probably want to wear it alll the time…to make dinner, to eat dinner, to twirl around the living room…etc. I will prob sell it, but not for awhile.

Growing up I never thought I'd wear my mom's dress, but I'm so glad now that she didn't listen to me and kept the dress. We worked with a designer who reconstructed the dress into a silhouette that works for me. Like Sara's It's not a traditional wedding dress any more. I'm going to keep the dress because it's a style that I can wear for galas and some costume parties.

@Jes, I'm totally with you. I've thought of wearing the dress while vacuuming and going to the dump and odd places. It was s much fun to wear. I was talking to a friend of mine here and she suggested we all have a wedding dress party so we can all wear our gowns again.

@Eden I love that you not only got to wear your mother's dress but you also reconstructed it so you can wear it again and again and again. It's definitely food for thought! Thanks so much for sharing!

When I suggested donating my dress, I believe my husband said "NOOOOOOO!" which was a big surprise. He then demured and said " I just think you'll regret it." And yes, I guess I can wear it again. I was invited to a Marie Antoinette party and with a wig, I think it might have worked out perfectly, but I couldn't go. So, if anyone wants to have some sort of 18th century party, we could all wear fluffy gowns, wigs and pink converse (like in Sofia Coppola's movie).

ehem. and by the way that picture is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! and precisely why I didn't want to spend 5k on my dress. we all live in the now whether we'd like to believe it or not.

@sera Wait a minute! Didn't you wear a fabulous little black dress? I'd wear that all the time! It's gorgeous!

It's actually navy blue with a poofy flounce of of orange and peach and pink bustling out the rear. I would wear it all the time except that I'm not sure I can fit into it at the moment (ehem, gained 10 solid lbs since the wedding) and I haven't had an occasion to wear it. Us northwesterners are ridiculously casual. People wear jeans to the ballet here (not me, but other people).

My mom had her dress preserved in a box – I guess "hermetically sealed". I don't know if she directly planned to have her daughter wear it or not, but she did save it. And I'm really glad she did, because I absolutely love it and I am going to wear it in my own wedding. It's the exact style of dress that I want, and it would be impossible to find nowadays – it has long sleeves, for starters, which is a pain to find at bridal stores.
I don't know how expensive it is to preserve a dress, but I can't imagine it's that bad, especially if you're going to take it to be cleaned anyway. If you have room to store it, why not? I think the problem comes when you become so attached to the idea of having your daughter wear your dress that she feels pressured. My sister has absolutely no interest in wearing my mom's dress – we are so different, we all have different styles, and if neither of us wanted to wear it, my mom would be fine with it.
Luckily for me, I love it, and even though she was married in the eighties, it's nothing like the monstrosity in the picture. It's a beautiful, sentimental thing to wear to my wedding, and it saves me a ton of money and grief! It even has a veil she made by hand, and a very classic shape, and if it's still in good shape after my wedding, I fully plan to preserve it, just in case.

@ Rowenna: Awesome food for thought. And you are spot on in your assessment that "the problem comes with when you become so attached to the idea of having your daughter wear your dress that she feels pressured." Thanks for taking the time to weight in.

I also love that the long sleeve vintage dresses are coming back into style and you are right, not all 80s dresses are like the monstrosity I posted :-) I would love, love, love to see pictures of your dress <hint, hint>.

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